You’ve seen people. You’ve seen them in real life and in still life. You’ve seen photos of them distracted by an activity or photos of them looking right back at you.
I’m sure you’ve seen those of animals too. How captivating is a photograph of a lion looking at you as if it was going to “jump” out of the screen. You can hardly take your eyes off it.
What about when you look at one in real? Have you ever done that? I’m sure we all have. It’s made us al happy as kids when the animal we so want to attract the attention of looks at us. But have you tried more than that? Look at an animal and wait until it looks at you. You wait until it looks and you wait some more. You go beyond the mere initial satisfaction. You wait..and you wait some more. One of you will eventually look away.
But what happens in that short time that your eyeballs met? What was going on in your head? Did you feel lucky that it was staring at you? Did you feel scared? Did you wonder what it was thinking? Did you wonder if the animal was wondering what you human were thinking? How is it feeling? How are you human feeling? Is that a coincidence? Is there something more?
What else?
We can look a person in the eyes longingly without breaking eye contact. We can do that and we do. But what is going on?
There is a video of a woman, who sits in a chair in the middle of a crowded room, an art exhibition, with eyes closed, facing an empty chair which can be filled by any random person of the public. Someone comes and sits, she opens her eyes and they both sit in silence looking each other in the eyes. Her name is Marina Abramovich and I strongly recommend you to see it. It’s one of those things I would like to try someday. You know, like the list of things that you have to try once before you die. I wonder what language do eyes speak. What can you see in a person through their eyes? What can you feel? What can they? Trying to imagine it brings the following thoughts; a second will yield nothing. 30 seconds, you’ll feel stupid and giggle. A minute, probably uneasiness. 2 minutes, probably awkwardness. 4 minutes you start wondering. 5 minutes you begin to feel comfortable. 10 minutes you start to become curious. This is, I believe, where communication begins through eye contact. At first you look but you don’t see. After some time, the world stops, you focus, and your genuine curiosity kicks, which makes you want to understand. Truly understand.
What do you feel here when you look at the cat in this photo? You can look at all the details you want and make a mental picture. That’s alright. But then zone in on the eyes and stay there. I believe two things will happen; either your mind will start going around uncontrollably and you will have all these thoughts, ideas, images popping up and you’ll drown in all of it or you will focus, see and feel. Needless to say that I aim for the second option, but often fall victim to the first one..
Everything I want to say here cannot be put in words…it is way too complex. It’s a mind game in way. One you are bound to lose if you try hard. The only way to win is to not play it. Contradictory? Yes, that is how our brains work. That is how our thought process works. It’s fucked up. It’s a mess. The ironic part is that it took me a long time, it took so much needless effort whereby I hurt the person I love most to realize this; you cannot fight it. Think about it? What are you fighting? Yourself? This is so confusing, isn’t it? The title to this chapter should be confusion and self-questioning. Self discovery. Understanding. Love. Words are simply not enough. Especially when your words are nothing but words. It should be called “the glint in the dark” or something along those lines.
Do you have any idea what a photo can tell you? What can another beings eyes tell you? You think you need words and so much of this and that for you to know or understand. You always want more, don’t you? You’re not used to taking the least and making the most of it. But what if that’s what you had to do? What if this was a call to action? What if all you were left with were you and yourself? Can you imagine what that is like or does it seem too extreme and too unrealistic? Think about it… I guarantee you, it’s worth taking the time to think about it. Call it a thought experiment.
I took this photo during a walk in downtown Yangon with Maria…yes another one. What the heck. I love this woman. She gets the best out of me without knowing it. If you cannot look at a photo and do what I say here then close your eyes and think of the person you love most. Picture him or her and picture yourself looking deep into their eyes. What do you feel? It’s worth taking the time to do this. Believe me. Believe…
What do you see?
R